Slightly Overdue Rant

This post really should have happened last night when I was feeling particularly upset and angry, but it didn't. I still feel it is important to write about though, so that people might learn from the experience and just to blow off a little more steam.

So, last night at Gilda's Club, I attended the Family and Friends Support Group for the second time. The format of the evening was that we first went around and introduced ourselves and our situation, then the facilitator passed out cards that each had a question or sentence to finish on them for each of us to answer. My card said, "I am angry because...." Now, this whole process has been very emotional for me, and the past few days I have been particularly emotional due to hormones and stuff, so yeah, by the time I started talking about why I am angry in all of this, I was crying. My answer to the statement was something to the effect of: "I am angry because none of this is fair. It's not fair to be not quite 23 and have the love of my life diagnosed with serious brain cancer. I realize the situation isn't fair at any age, but that is why I am angry right now, because it's not fair." So yeah, I was crying pretty hard saying all of this, just angry and frustrated and scared, and one of the other people in the group has the audacity to tell me that really, I should be grateful for what I have and frame it in the positive. He said that some people don't even make it to 23 and a lot of people have to deal with stuff like this younger than 23, so I should be grateful for how good I've had it. 

Now, I realize there is some truth to what the man said. Yes, framing things in the positive is important. Yes, there are people who have dealt with this or other scary or tragic things at younger ages. But really, really!! My question was why I was angry; I answered it honestly. The absolute last thing I needed in that moment was some sort of guilt trip about how other people have it worse than me, so I shouldn't feel the way I feel. I'm sorry, but that is crap! I have every right to feel that this isn't fair. Guess what, it's not fair! Amazing people suffering isn't fair. Life isn't fair, I'm not saying it's supposed to be, but I should have the right to express my feelings. I have every right to feel angry and scared in all of this. Guess what, it's scary and it's hard and it sucks! Anyone who tells you differently is lying! That's how I feel, deal with it! 

Just so you all know, the facilitator did try to frame things differently, saying that it is possible to be both grateful and angry, and stuff like that. But yeah, I still feel the guy was totally out of line. I don't feel like he made the environment particularly welcoming. 

So, long story short, if ever you feel like telling someone who is going through a rough time that they should be grateful because there are people out there that have it worse than they do, please bite your tongue. If that mindset happens to work for you, by all means utilize it, but don't try and guilt trip me into feeling something other than my true feelings. Feelings happen, they are part of the process. There are many things I am grateful about, and I express those as well, but when I feel angry, I need to express that too. 

Anyway, I wish you all a day full of whatever emotions you need to feel, and the courage to express them, and a lack of stupid people that try to tell you to feel otherwise.