So, for those of you who know me well, you will know that when I tell stories I tend to give a play-by-play, so here comes the play-by-play of our mini-wedding, vows and all....
Yesterday, Thursday, January 31, 2013 at around 5 pm, I finished writing my wedding vows to the love of my life. A couple of hours before that, I texted my love's dad, asking him to bring my white skirt and white blouse from our closet at the house and a bowler hat (I couldn't remember exactly what style hat I'd seen, I'd thought it was bowler-esque) from my love's room. I wanted to wait until he arrived to have the wedding so that I could kind of have my pretty white dress, and my love could kind of have a snazzy top hat.
Around six-thirty, my love started having excruciating leg pains. This had happened the night before as well, and, then, it lasted for several hours, during which my love had A LOT of medicine for pain that only scratched the surface in regard to helping with the pain until my love fell peacefully asleep hours later. So when my love started having the leg pain again last night, I thought that there was no way I would be sharing my vows that evening because I wanted it to be a good experience for everyone involved. So starting at six-thirty, my love's mom and I took turns massaging my love's legs, trying to relieve the pain, and pushing the bolus button on my love's pain pump every fifteen minutes and calling the nurse in to give my love a different medicine every thirty minutes. I can't begin to explain how hard it is to see someone you love so much in such agony.
Then, my love's dad arrived around 8 pm, pizza and things from the house in hand. Unfortunately, my love's dad was unable to find the things I had requested, I probably accidentally told him the wrong place to look or something, so all he brought with him was a white long-sleeved tee shirt. I figured, no big deal since this isn't going to happen tonight anyway, if I feel that strongly about things I can go to the house myself and get them. So I grabbed some pizza while my love's mom rubbed my love's legs. Once I finished, we switched off. As I was sitting there rubbing my love's legs, trying to relieve the pain in any way possible, I told my love that I had finished writing my wedding vows today and asked if my love would still like to have a mini-wedding. My love has been having a lot of trouble communicating lately. My love seems able, most of the time, to understand exactly what is being said, but seems to have trouble actually saying things, so we have gone to asking my love yes or no questions and having my love respond in various ways such as a thumbs-up or down, or squeezing someone's hand for yes. So, I was holding my love's hand when I asked this question, and my love firmly squeezed my hand. I then asked if my love would like to hear the vows right then, hoping that, if so, it might be a nice distraction from the pain, and my love gave me a thumbs-up.
So, without further ado, or any announcement of what I was doing, I grabbed my computer that I had written out the vows on, sat in a chair next to the bed with the computer in my lap, held my love's hand, and looked in my love's eyes as much as possible while reading the vows. I was wearing what I had worn all day, a purple long-sleeved tee shirt and yoga pants, my love was in the bed in a hospital-style gown without a top hat, and the only other people in the room were my love's parents, whom I didn't even tell what was going on before starting, but it was beautiful nonetheless. At one point toward the middle of the vows my love squeezed my hand, and I felt so close to my love and so happy.
So yeah, I don't know if my love's parents heard all I said or not, I know they at least heard some, but the person I wrote them for got to hear every word. I hope it was as meaningful to my love as it was to me; I'm just so thankful that I got to keep my promise to marry my love before my love's death, no matter what.
All in all, I think it was exactly what needed to happen. I was afraid that if I kept waiting for "the right time" or "a better time," that such a time would never come. I know there were many people who would have liked to be there, and that means so much. And if, miraculously, things turn around and my love feels substantially better and we decide to have a formal ceremony, we will get as many of those people to the wedding as possible.
The wedding was totally different from anything I ever imagined. There were no flowers, no cake, no music, no pictures or video recordings, no potluck, no top hat, and not even a pretty white dress, but it was still beautiful. It is a moment I will cherish forever.
And for those of you curious as to what I said, here are my wedding vows...
Over the years, you've been known by a variety of names…
Alicia Ann Sundheimer, Isaac A. Sundheimer, Fred, Carter, Suds, Blueberry, just
to name a few. Each of these names brings different memories to mind for me
that I deeply cherish. I've called you a variety of things as well – my soul
mate, my angel, my best friend, my love, my sweetheart, my knight in shining
armor, my partner, and even, at times, my edamame. You are all these things to me, and so much
more. You have helped me learn so much in the time we have known each other.
You have helped me find the strength to get through times I was sure would
break me beyond repair. You've taught me to look for the positive in everything
and everyone. You have helped me learn that things don’t always have to be
perfect or planned; that some days it’s best to let my hair down and fly by the
seat of my pants. You've helped me tone down my competitive side and learn to
simply enjoy the game instead of focusing on winning. You have reminded me to
follow my heart and be true to myself. You've reminded me to seize the day and
dance, rather than sit out, at every opportunity. You have shown me how to be
strong – physically, mentally, and emotionally, and that sometimes the most
strength is shown when you’re vulnerable. You inspire me. You have not only
saved my life multiple times, you have also enriched it in ways I never knew
possible and you continue to do so.
Alicia, I love you with every fiber of my being, and I
promise that I always will, no matter what, forever and ever amen. I promise to
love, cherish, and support you all of your days. I promise to hold you in my
arms when we are physically together and to hold you in my heart when we are
apart. I promise to respect and honor you and your desires. I promise to be
physically and emotionally present whenever you need me. I promise to take care
of myself so that I can have the ability to be there for you in every way that
I possibly can.
I have believed for a very long time that love is eternal; loving
you has confirmed that for me beyond a shadow of a doubt. My love for you has
grown exponentially over the years and I know that it will never fade. I love,
cherish, and adore every part of who you are, even the parts you may not be as
fond of, because they have helped you become the amazing person you are today.
I love you, Isaac. And with this kiss, I thee wed.
